


devil in my head, angels swimming in my blood

by chahakyn



Series: something you keep behind your teeth [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Dark!Vanya, Episode: s01e10 The White Violin, Gen, Loss of Control, No Incest, Physical Manipulation of Vanya's body, Season/Series 01, Sort Of, White Violin, White Violin as a separate entity that controls Vanya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chahakyn/pseuds/chahakyn
Summary: “You remember what that was like, don’t you?” In the glass reflection, Vanya’s hand raises before suddenly reaching out, somehow breaching the glass and touching Vanya’s cheek. Her skin is cold but soft, like the cool brush of silk.“Staring at these gray walls, hour after hour, day after day while they played together? Do you want to live like that for the rest of our lives?” She murmurs, pulling herself from the glass until her torso has fully emerged. Vanya looks up with wide eyes as her pale reflection looks back down at her, head cocked.“N—no,” Vanya whispers, tears beginning to trail down her cheeks.-The White Violin is Vanya. And yet she isn't.(A reimagining of the S1 finale where the White Violin is an entity separate from Vanya)
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves
Series: something you keep behind your teeth [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974874
Comments: 11
Kudos: 87





	devil in my head, angels swimming in my blood

**Author's Note:**

> seeing [ jubberry's art](https://jubberry.tumblr.com/post/184889883635/the-last-episode-of-s1-gave-me-a-feeling-that-the) inspired me to play around with a little more dark!vanya, but in a different context
> 
> fic title from [ Champagne](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yiWeTZJSVw) by K.Flay

Vanya can feel something growing inside of her.

She feels it rear its head when she slashes her arm through the air, watching blood pool out of the cut on Allison’s throat. She feels it strengthen when she lifts Leonard into the air, impaling him with knives as household items swirl in the air around him. It festers and grows and claws at her throat, and Vanya can’t quite figure out what it is.

It isn’t until she’s trapped in the underground bunker, throat hoarse from screaming and the glass door smeared with her fingerprints, that she realizes that it might not be a feeling; it might be something more. A separate entity, and yet a part of herself.

“They’re still afraid of us, even after all these years.” The familiar image of her younger self stares back at her, reflecting back through the smudged glass. She tilts her head, bangs brushing against her forehead. “Afraid of our power.”

“What power? I’m not—I don’t…” Vanya stammers out, lip trembling. Her younger self looks at her, unimpressed.

“We almost killed Allison. We killed Leonard. We are capable of so _much_ , Vanya,” she says calmly. There’s an unfamiliar glint in her eye, one Vanya _knows_ she didn’t have when she was young. That spark of emotion, of rebellion, makes Vanya’s heart hammer in fear.

And then suddenly, the reflection _twists_ , morphing into the familiar image of herself that she catches a glimpse of every morning and every night in the bathroom mirror, looking listlessly back at her. But now it’s different; that spark is still there, shining clearly through glowing white irises.

Vanya lifts her hand to touch her own face. The reflection does not mirror her, shooting Vanya a sharp smile instead.

“They’re going to keep us down, Vanya,” she croons. “A muted voice, isolated from the group, never in the limelight, _never_ the center of attention. It’s always been like that and it’ll continue to be like that. Not unless we act.”

Vanya inhales unsteadily. “But they’re our _family_.”

“And? They fear you now. They’re going to keep you in here forever.”

“No—”

“You remember what that was like, don’t you?” In the glass reflection, Vanya’s hand raises before suddenly reaching _out_ , somehow breaching the glass and touching Vanya’s cheek. Her skin is cold but soft, like the cool brush of silk.

“Staring at these gray walls, hour after hour, day after day while they played together? Do you want to live like that for the rest of our lives?” She murmurs, pulling herself from the glass until her torso has fully emerged. Vanya looks up with wide eyes as her pale reflection looks back down at her, head cocked.

“N—no,” Vanya whispers, tears beginning to trail down her cheeks. Vanya’s double hums thoughtfully, cupping Vanya’s cheek with one hand, fingers smearing through tears. The other curls loosely around Vanya’s neck, thumb pressing gently against her larynx.

“Then _do_ something about it.”

Vanya inhales with a shudder, eyes widening. The grip she has around Vanya’s neck is by no means tight, but suddenly, every shuddering breath that Vanya takes isn’t enough. The room, already so small, presses even tighter around her, pushing and shoving her deeper and deeper into the box that has been built so carefully around her life. Around her.

“I can’t breathe in here. I can’t _breathe_ ,” Vanya sobs desperately, hands reaching up to grasp at her reflection’s shirt. The touch grounds her as much as her twin’s smile frightens her.

“Embrace who we are. Who we’ve been all along,” she murmurs, reaching up to cover Vanya’s eyes with her hand. “ _Listen_ , Vanya.”

So she does. She listens to the quiet flickering of the lights, the rustle of fabric, the rush of air as she breathes, the fast but steady beat of her heart. And for the first time, she truly _hears_ it all.

Faster and faster and faster her heart beats as Vanya takes it in, the swirling hum of energy and the familiar high-pitched tone that echoes throughout the room. Wind whips through her hair, wind that she’s created by her own means with the power buzzing under her fingernails.

This time is different from the last. Vanya can feel the familiar itch of power, but there’s something more beneath it. Something within her is egging the energy on, as Vanya feels her heartbeat begin to slow to a steadying thrum. Something is giving her purpose.

Vanya opens her eyes. Her reflection is gone, but Vanya can feel the white-eyed likeness inside of her now, helping her siphon power from the air around her and feed it beneath her skin and muscle, twining with her bones and racing through her veins.

 _Just like that, Vanya. You were made for this_.

Vanya’s lips curl as she brings the bunker wall down in front of her. She was _made_ for this.

She feels no regret as the house crumbles around her. This wretched place, full of misery. Every memory she recalls as she looks in each room breaks her heart. And every concussive blast she sends in returns only strengthens her resolve, steeling her soul and mind. She’s doing everyone a favor by bringing this house down. It has no place here in this new world, a world where Vanya finally knows her true worth. A world where Vanya can finally shine. What better way to prove that, than to destroy the place that’s holding her back?

But then Pogo yells at her and it shakes her out of her trance, bringing the swirling power around her to a screeching halt.

“Did you know?” She murmurs, hands clenching into fists as she steps closer to him. He hedges, saying things like “It was meant to protect your siblings” and “We only wanted to protect _you_.” And that’s not the answer she wanted, but it’s enough to give her pause.

Vanya closes her eyes, fingers clenching into fists at her sides. What is she _doing_? Destroying the house, taking her revenge on the closest equivalent to her late father and siblings. Except that the house is just an empty shell, representative of her fucked-up childhood. And all this anger and destruction, it’s merely the equivalent of a petulant child’s tantrum. It may feel good now, but it’s a selfish action that’s going to have consequences. She can already feel one in the gently disappointed look Pogo is giving her.

She feels the tears build behind her eyelids, lower lip trembling. She’s better than this, she’s _better_ than the anger that simmers in the back of her mind, whispering for her to just let go because she deserves it, she deserves to be _free_.

There are better ways of being free. Vanya knows this. Ways that don’t burn the few bridges she has, the bridges that sway, tenuous in structure when she hesitantly crosses them. Vanya opens her eyes slowly, looking up at Pogo. She tries to open her mouth say something, anything, to apologize, to beg for forgiveness.

But she can’t. Instead, she feels her mouth curve into a wicked smile against her will and suddenly, everything around her is shaking, vibrations whining through the air as the house begins to crumble again. And then in a movement that isn’t her own, her arm raises, throwing Pogo across the room and impaling him against the wall.

Vanya screams inside her mind, battering against the walls surrounding her as she feels her body walking calmly out of the crumbling ruins of the Academy and towards her apartment.

_Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it!_

“Stop what?” Vanya’s mouth moves without her consent, shaping words that she did not put there. “This is who we are. We’re showing the world what we can do.”

 _Not like this_ , Vanya sobs inside. _Not like this_.

“There’s no other way,” Vanya’s twin hums, navigating Vanya’s body easily throughout her apartment, straightening Vanya’s jacket and tying her tie in front of the mirror. The face that stares back at Vanya now isn’t hers. Those white eyes and blank, sick stare. That isn’t _her_.

The final click of the lights behind her, the blast that sends those innocent people in the car flying. None of this is Vanya. She has to do _something_.

 _It’s been in you all along_ , her double coos, cupping Vanya’s face with a cool hand. Vanya tries to jerk out of her grip, but her fingers tighten, digging into Vanya’s skin.

 _At least let me perform_ , Vanya hisses, eyes narrowed. _I’ve worked for this, waited for this for a very long time. This is_ my _performance, my time, not yours_.

Her twin looks at her, white eyes glowing impassively.

 _I can allow that_.

Vanya feels her mind come to the forefront, the sudden influx of bright lights and loud sounds causing her to wince. Everything still feels a little jerky, like she’s pulling the strings to control her body while someone else holds her wrists. Not that the grip is stopping her from doing anything, but the weight of it gives her pause, makes her shiver in discomfort.

But the familiar touch of the violin grounds her. Vanya exhales steadily as she hefts the familiar weight in her arms, fingers drawing lightly across the strings.

If she can get through this concert, she might have the chance to get it all under control and figure out her next steps. And if she can’t get control, well, at least she’ll have this. She’s finally made it, first chair and starring performer tonight at the Icarus Theater.

This is _her_ time to shine. And she’s going to make the most of it.

Vanya leans into the music, breathing in the heady scent of melodies and harmonies that pull her along. Her fingers trace the familiar patterns along the strings, body swaying with the music. The warped reflection inside her may be able to take control of her body, her powers, her life. But her adoration for and ties to music, that’s something _nobody_ can take from her.

Vanya glances out in the crowd as the music lulls, orchestra swelling as she pulls back. Her eyes skirt the crowd out of habit, looking for a familiar face, anybody she knows. It’s an instinctive action, one born of years and years of habit that she’s nearly embarrassed by. But the instant she catches Allison’s gaze through the harsh glow of the stage lights, Vanya can’t find it in herself to feel shy.

She shoots Allison a small smile, the thrill of finally having an audience she cares about overshadowing the doubt and fear and uncertainty clouding her heart. The smile Allison gives her in return lightens her heart, just in time for it to plummet as she feels the thunder of footsteps across the stage.

In an instant, she places the weight and cadence of steps. Luther. Diego. Vanya’s blood freezes, fingers nearly jerking across her strings.

 _I think that’s enough of that_ , the voice inside her hums, quickly yanking back the reins to Vanya’s body.

Vanya feels her arm lash out against her will, blasting her siblings off the stage and spinning the crowd into a frenzy. Vanya’s twin twists her body around, fanning a blast of energy out to push the orchestra members back in their seats.

 _Well?_ Her double looks at her, gesturing with a nod. _This is your performance. I wouldn’t want to deprive you of that_.

Vanya yanks control back with a snarl, bow pressing to the strings once more. She plays and plays and _play_ , pouring her heart and soul into the piece. Even as the orchestra members flee, even as men with machine guns attack her siblings, she keeps playing.

This her solo, her final performance. It’s all she has.

Tears stream down her face as the waves of power swell around her, battering against the pillars of the Icarus Theater. It won’t be long before the building crumbles, trapping her siblings in the rubble. But she can’t stop playing, she can’t stop the power spiraling from her fingertips, her instrument. She has strength, but it’s all pouring into her solo and she can’t stop, she can’t _stop_ —

Vanya watches as her suit and violin begin to turn white, color vanishing in a creeping spread across herself. Everything is so pale, her power bleeding the color from her surroundings.

_The White Violin. I’ve always thought that name felt right for us, hm?_

Vanya doesn’t respond, teeth gritting as she pushes on. She can feel herself slipping, every movement of her fingers leeching power away from her self-control. Soon, she won’t be able to hold anything back.

Vanya sees a flash of movement in front of her and suddenly, her control over her body is taken away. Her double takes over, slashing Vanya’s bow and levitating her siblings in the air, a punishment for trying to apprehend her.

 _They thought they could attack us like that?_ Her doppelganger scoffs. _It’s a miracle they could be called your siblings at all._

Vanya looks up, tearfully watching as the life begins to drain from her sibling’s eyes. She can’t take back control, there’s no reason, no way. It’s over. Except—

Not all her siblings are floating in front of her. Vanya blinks, managing to nudge her body enough to cock her ear as she feels the faintest whisper of movement behind her.

With her last vestiges of strength, Vanya reaches out and grasps for control with trembling fingers. She wrenches the power away with a silent scream, tears blurring her vision as she twists around, coming face-to-face with Five.

He looks at her, hand shaking as he presses the cold muzzle of his gun to her forehead.

“Five,” Vanya gasps out, a tear running down her cheek. “Five, _please_.”

“What’s happening to you?”

She shakes her head. “I’m…I can’t hold on for long. I’m not in control. I’m so scared, Five.”

Five takes a shuddering breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “It’s going to be okay,” he murmurs, eyes flicking open. “I’m right here.”

“Please, Five—”

“Do you trust me?” he interrupts sharply. Vanya can see him steeling his gaze, grip tightening on the handle of his gun, the exhaustion in his eyes, and she _knows_. It has to end like this. There was no other way this could end.

At least he’s going to be the one to do it. If she’s going to have to die, she’s glad it’s by his hand.

“Yes,” she murmurs, letting her hands fall limply to her sides. Inside her, Vanya can feel the entity slamming her fists against Vanya’s tenuous wall of self-control, voice laden with fury.

_What are you waiting for? Kill him. KILL HIM._

Vanya ignores the shrieks within her, gaze pinned to Five’s as they look at each other.

_He’s going to kill you. Your brilliantly stupid, arrogant brother is going to take you down in one shot. It’s too simple, too easy._

Vanya’s doppelganger paces in Vanya’s mind’s eye, gaze gleaming with something manic behind cold, careful front of neutrality. She stares at Vanya intently, as though hoping she can wrest control from Vanya by pure thought alone.

 _You don’t deserve an end that inferior._ We _don’t deserve that. We deserve a fight, something we can win. I can give that to you if you let me._

 _I don’t want a fight_ , Vanya says firmly. _I want this to end._

“Do it,” Vanya says quietly, watching as Five’s gaze softens. He moves and suddenly, the press of metal to her forehead is gone. Her eyes widen as his arm moves, gun falling. There suddenly isn’t enough oxygen in the room and she can’t breathe.

_Look at him. He’s weak. He doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve you. **Kill. Him**._

Vanya wants to cry, wants to reach out and throttle Five desperately. He has to do this, he _has_ to. There’s no other way this can end, she needs to die and he needs to do it. He’s the only one left to do it.

“Five?”

Five exhales heavily, arm moving.

“I’m sorry,” he says, so softly that Vanya almost doesn’t understand. She opens her mouth to ask, to beg. But then she feels the cool touch of metal to the shell of her ear.

Five’s finger tugs the trigger, the tiny clicks and piston noises registering for a split second before the loudest sound she has ever heard in her entire life blasts through the air, slamming into her head and piercing her senses with unbearable pain. Everything around her seems to shimmer for a moment, vibrations suspended through the air, rippling like a beautiful mirage.

And then it all goes black.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [ tumblr](https://shizuoi.tumblr.com/) if you want to chat!


End file.
